Wife spends $2k on publishing her book behind husband's back, he calls her out for it: 'Your husband is treating this like a hobby than a business'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 10, 2026 3:15 PM EDT

Should you run every purchase by your significant other?

When you're married and sharing finances, things tend to get a little more complicated. You're not just making decisions for yourself; you're making them for you and your partner. But you're also still allowed to live your life in a way that serves you. You can operate independently and make your own choices. Can you do this with large amounts of money, though? Can you spend thousands of dollars without informing your spouse? These are the questions that came up in this story when an author had to make some purchases for her business, but did so behind her husband's back.

There is a big difference between a business and a hobby, but we're not always willing to see that in one another. Sometimes we overlook each other's passions because we think they don't matter. Just because they're not as flashy and showy as some things, that doesn't mean that they aren't valid and relevant. That's what the woman in this story was up against when dealing with her husband. She had a hobby that was really more than a hobby. She was making money from it and wanted to invest it back in her business. Her husband, though, wasn't so comfortable with that and wanted to exert a little more control. She didn't think that was fair, though, and wanted to maintain some of her independence. 

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    A woman holds her hands to her temples, stressed

  • Am I in the wrong for spending $2k on a book and not telling my husband that I was doing it until after the fact?

    So I am an author and I've been talking to my husband about different options for publishing my next book. My previous book was very successful and my husband said he's happy if I spend the money I'm earning to publish my next book. I told him a
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  • while ago I wasn't rushing to publish my next book. Since then though I have finished my manuscript and We decided together on company I have used previously to help me with illustrations and independent publishing. I told my husband I
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  • will send them my completed manuscript with all notes in time for Monday morning. I then paid the $2k for illustrations and assisted publishing (the same contract I used last time). I told my husband that I had paid for it and he got angry saying he wished I'd told him beforehand. I
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  • told him I'm sorry I thought he knew I was doing that since we had talked about the next steps and I told him I was sending them the manuscript and notes in time for Monday morning. He said I didn't say I was paying them and it's 'only a couple thousand dollars'
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  • I guess I'm happy to communicate explicitly when I'm going to pay that much in the future but I really thought through our extensive discussions on next steps and us both being happy to spend the money and me communicating
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  • I'm sending them what I need in time for Monday morning he would've known. I think I was just surprised how angry he was and the 'only a couple thousand dollars' made me feel like he was accusing me of not recognising the financial commitment of this. For reference we are fortunate that spending $2k isn't going to put a financial strain on us so he wasn't angry because of any reason like that. I guess I'm wondering if I was in the wrong for this?
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  • Commenters had some questions and some ideas on how to handle this.

    BowTrek You said your last book did well and you were going to put those funds towards this - so did your last book make over 2k? Either way, I'd say best to communicate more with hubby. But can't really make a judgement here except maybe NAH.
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  • Sparklingwine23 Your expenses and profits. from your books should be run like a business through a separate account. Your husband shouldn't be micromanaging your business decisions unless you specifically ask for his advice and then its just advice.
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    A couple has an argument on the couch

  • Communication is everything, especially in a marriage. You need to be talking about the important things, or else you might end up resenting each other. It can be hard to parse through what is worth communicating and what isn't, though. Sometimes you can do things on your own and suffer no consequence, and other times you find out later that a whole lot of mess could have been avoided if you just communicated. But they also say that it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Was that true here? Keep reading for the full story and let us know your thoughts in the comments. 

  • Each book's sales should go into that account and you should leave enough to cover the next book's expenses plus extra for buffer before you begin taking money out as a salary.
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  • ten-toed-tuba NTA - YOU had both agreed that you could use your earnings to fund your next book. Unless the $2k was more than you made, you're sticking to the plan.
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  • Available-Face5653 if your first book was in any way shape or form successful, you have the $2000 to invest in the next. it sounds like a business expense.
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  • desertboots I think if the positions were reversed, he would likely claim, it's his business. You should maintain separate accounts for your writing business. Set aside money for future expenses prior to paying into your income for household use.
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  • BarbudoGrande2020 it sounds like a business expense to me, so unless he's your business partner it seems a little weird that he got upset that a book he knows you're going to publish cost money to publish.
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  • Sounds like a lack of clear enough financial delineation, so consider separating those funds a bit better so it doesnt nake him feel like his money is being spent. NTA, but there are some lessons here imo.
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  • Secure_Town_7924 He was aware your next book was done and it would cost money, and money isnt an issue for you both, so hes just annoyed that you didnt tell him you're imminently spending $2k? Do you normally communicate
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  • purchases made around that cost? I mean you're not an ahle, thats a bit extreme, but perhaps better communication was expected, and leave it as that, move on, dont dwell on it?
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  • emmkat24 NTA, for one, this is your actual career and he agreed you could use your previous earnings. It's not his money, it's not household money. It was money made from your publishings, that was purposely set aside FOR this.
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  • FrostiePi If the money you spent came from earnings from your last book, it's a business expense and your husband has sod all to say about it.
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  • My husband has a side business and has spent the earnings from that upgrading his gear going into the thousands. I don't even know how much, because it's none of my business.
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  • Sounds more like your husband is treating this like a hobby than a business, and he needs to learn the difference if this is earning you an actual comfortable wage. If however you used family money for this because your book didn't earn more than 2k or you spent it all (again.. not very business like) then yeah, you should have had that conversation with him.
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  • lebleudesreves Who's money is this? I mean; is it on a shared account or is it yours in your personnal bank account? If it's a shared one, then you have already talked about and you did as discussed. If it's yours only, you spend your money as you wish
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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage relationship marriage relationship status relationship-drama marriage-drama relationships healthy relationship
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